Being able to distinguish the facts (which are statements that can be proved to be true) from the fiction, will help you quiet the chatter that’s going on and really see what it is you are dealing with.

Kelly Petty

My plan for this week was an article centered around routines & habits – which co-incidentally ties in perfectly with a book I am currently reading. But as I was writing the article I couldn’t help but notice that I was being called to write about something else entirely, something that has been on my mind a lot this month.

You may have seen that the theme for this month is “Abundance”, and at the beginning of the month I ran a free workshop / challenge that lasted a week which was centered around abundance.

And it’s something I’ve been making a conscious effort to be open to receiving more of this month, and to be open to noticing and appreciating more.

And I would really love to tell you that I have experienced seismic shifts in my way of thinking and the gratitude and the abundance I have been feeling. But that’s about as far from the truth as you can get. Because the most abundant things I’ve experienced so far this month are really, REALLY unhelpful thoughts on pretty much every area of my life; from work to motherhood and everything in between. So right now, the thing that stands out most for me as to what I have an abundance of; I have an abundance of really awful, unhelpful thoughts that are not serving me in any way, shape or form. And not only are they not helping me, they’re actually hindering me and my quest to achieve certain things.

And I wanted to share this with you today because I know how frustrating it can be when everyone around you can reel off a list of things they are grateful for and have in abundance, but all you can think of are things that are missing In your life, or, like me, can list a whole host of things you’re failing at, not showing up for, aren’t executing as well as you want to / know you are capable of, and the list really could go on and on.

But what I did, and what I would invite you to do too, is to allow all of the things you are thinking into the party. It might feel uncomfortable or scary to face thoughts that you think will make you feel ashamed of yourself, or angry at yourself for acting / reacting in a certain way, or whatever else it might be. And it seems counter-intuitive that to start to feel better, you need to rendezvous with thoughts you know will make you feel bad.

But it's in the facing up to these thoughts, and the acknowledgement and taking ownership of the feelings they generate, that will enable you to reclaim your power from the thoughts. When all’s said and done, a thought – regardless of its nature; good or bad - is just a string of words you’ve put together in a specific order, in your mind.

And just as you had the power to create that thought, that string of words, you also have the power to determine how you will be affected by it. And by that I mean how you will feel about the thought you have had about yourself. As we all know, it’s much easier to feel good about yourself if the thought you had was a nice one; and the feel-good factor will likely happen without you having to put in any real effort to feel good about yourself.

And whilst it is possible to feel good about yourself if you’ve had a horrible thought about yourself, it’s so much harder to do because so much more work is involved.

So here are a couple of tricks/tips that I use when I have a thought about myself that isn’t nice and which doesn’t serve or help me.

1. Ask yourself if the thought you have just had is fact or fiction.

   “I’m such a bad mum”

   The fact here would be that I am a mum. We could all agree on that.

   The fiction, the story I’ve made up around the fact is that I’m a bad mum.

   Being able to distinguish the facts (which are statements that can be proved to be true) from the fiction, will help you quiet the chatter that’s going on and really see what it is you are dealing with.

   Why are you a bad mum? Because you shouted at your child? That doesn’t make you a bad mum; it makes you a human being. 

2. I tell myself “This is just a thought. I don’t have to believe it” 

3. The word “And”….I’m such a bad friend. I take too long to reply to messages, I’m not very good at looking after and nurturing my friendships and I am committing to reconnecting with my friends and enjoying the times we will spend together going forwards.

So my friends, there we have it, a completely unscheduled read for you today but I’m trusting that there is someone out there who needs to read this.

Speak to you all soon.